It’s Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak Into Happily Never After (audio book)

It’s Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak Into Happily Never After by Andi Dorfman; 2016

I searched high and low for a free or heavily discounted copy of It’s Not Okay. Much to my disappointment (but not exactly surprise) neither of the two library systems where I have memberships carry this book. Heh. I flat-out refused to contribute to this book’s revenue, but my curiosity about it was extreme. Eventually I found a solution: Audible free trail. 100% worth it. In reading other people’s reviews of It’s Not Okay, a lot of people commented on the poor writing. The benefit of listening to this book on tape is that it feels more like a podcast, and you don’t notice the quality of the writing. The major con, of course, is that I never, ever want to hear Andi’s voice ever again.

It’s Not Okay is supposed to function (I guess) as sort of a part memoir of Andi Dorfman’s relationship that resulted from the Bachelorette, part how-to-guide to surviving a break up. Andi “dishes” about her relationship with Josh, the winner of her season, and the aftermath of their public break up. If you’re looking for behind-the-scenes Bachelor Intel, you will be disappointed 😦

Where to begin. I have a lot of thoughts about this, but am going to try to condense them into just a few bullet points.

  • We get it. Andi drinks a TON of wine. Literally wakes up, rolls over, and drinks. I guess this is supposed to make her relatable to the average woman in her twenties? IDK, that’s not my life.
  • Andi is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really bitter about her Bachelor/Bachelorette experience
  • Designer clothes and shoes = life
  • It’s okay to reduce every single ex-boyfriend you’ve ever had to “douche bag, douche bag #2, POS, etc.”
  • Ditto for calling every female who isn’t your BFF skank, or some variety of skank
  • Her vocab is LARGELY four-letter words. I don’t have a problem with swearing, but when it’s every 10 words, yeah, that’s a little much
  • Sorry, but if you put this much energy into writing a book about how much you hate your ex and publish it, then I just kind of feel like you’re not really over it…

By the end of It’s Not Okay, you will realize that according to Andi, she has been a victim of the entire world, and everyone is out to get her. She was not one half of a relationship that failed, but a victim of a failed relationship who is only about 5% to blame for its demise. SIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Andi’s break up advice adds up to being generic and a giant cliché: eat until you can’t fit into your jeggings, watch Judge Judy, burn his stuff, drink wine all da err’day, etc. The only practical thing I learned is that Nick was kind of a psycho after the show, which he doesn’t even deny in this past season of Paradise. So that was funny. Ultimately, Andi comes off as vindictive, self-absorbed, and shallow. All I could think about when I was listening to this was wow, this is really embarrassing. Writing this kind of book about her ex-boyfriend, which wasn’t even really a tell-all but a big eff-you to Josh, just screams of not being over her past relationship. And is – obviously – an extremely petty and immature move. Perhaps because she’s making bank off of this she doesn’t care, but the content of this book actually completely contradicts its intended message. Problematic.

A note on Andi’s musings on the double standards between men v. women having sex on TV/rebounding from a relationship. Andi’s just not about this double standard. **SPOILER ALERT** This isn’t a new idea, and no girl is about it. But what really, REALLY got me was when she went on a long rant about how Nick called her out for “making love” with him on national TV without her consent to talk about it. But then she writes about her “relapse” with Josh a couple of months after they broke up. I’m guessing she didn’t get his consent to write about that. Double standard, no?

And, finally, the absolutely most hilarious part of this book is that Andi tries to convince us that she accidentally ended up on Juan Pablo’s season without even trying a little bit. She merely showed up for the casting call because she wanted free drinks. OKAY, SURE. I 100% believe that that is true.

Yes, this is terrible. But if you’re a monster Bachelor fan I highly recommend it.

-M

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